Some thoughts...

Hey,

I'm a little under the weather today, right now I'm supposed to be working another shift at the world famous Trim Dining Hall at Babson College, but it is in no one's best interest for me to be there. I have been thinking a lot about what it is that is flooding my brain with all kinds of thoughts and feelings and while much of those thoughts and feelings are far too personal to be revealed to anyone at the moment, I thought I could get a few things off of my mind.

I really should never blog about anything related to poker again until
a. I have reached a level where my influence on the game is powerful or
b. I have something interesting to say about the industry in general
I have played a bunch of live poker this week, and while I did not even come close to being a winner for the week, I have realized that it does not matter what my results are. My opinions on the game seem to infuriate people or cause them to mock me. It is in no one's best interest to read what I have to say. Thoughts of quitting the game for good and cashing out my account on Pokerstars have come through my head, but I do love the game and won't give it up that easily. There are people in the world who would do anything for the small bankroll I have to buy groceries and other essential needs, so it has been bothering me when I lose my money playing poorly or in an exploitable manner because I think of those who are far less fortunate than me.

I should probably not reveal anything emotionally about myself either. It goes without saying that subjects like family and friends are going to be heavily censored, but I also feel like I should dial down the tone of my writing so as not to come off as to emo or something. Actually, the way this post is heading, I am going to sound like a total wreck, but whatever. I think the larger point I am trying to get at myself is to voice opinions about a certain subject or industry instead of myself. The reason that people can blog about themselves is because they are a subject worth reading about.

So, where does that leave me? I don't really know at this point. I don't watch TV to heavily and I don't really read. I'm not particularly enthralled by anything besides poker at times, but as I have already stated, I'm not writing about that. That leaves me in the most awkward spot of all. Having a voice, but nothing to say. I'm not trying to complain about striking myself with the creative shaft, but it is becoming increasingly obvious that I don't really have a specific place in the world.

Business school is a nice place to be, but I have found myself increasingly baffled and awestruck by how littered that world is with corruption and this weird reverse karma where selfish decision-making seems to be rewarded more often than not. Maybe I should have gone to an engineering school and test my "Asian" math skills in a realm that may not be the sexiest in the world but might have been more satisfying for me. It's hard to say. I marvel at how the entrepreneurial spirit has emblazened itself in so many students here. My hope is that some of these ideas will turn out to be something truly useful for the world and not just another pretentious clothing company who thrives off a modernistic clothing label and some idiotic ideals that no one with an annual income of under $10 million would understand. Sadly, I find that this spirit will simply not enter me. That leaves me good, but less interesting options should I follow through with my education and put it into direct use. After watching what big corporations are doing to hard-working people by either giving them the axe or shipping their jobs to foreign lands, I find it hard to believe that I will want to work somewhere where I am simply a number in a bigger machine. Smaller firms in assorted industries seem cool enough, but my fear is that they will simply crumble under the weight of their bigger brothers. Maybe I should be more hopeful about that. I still dream of working for a Boston sports team even if it was in an office job. Because I was not blessed with the athletic gifts of a Big Papi or KG, this would certainly be the next coolest career path for me. This dream lives on, but the pressure to start building up a competitive resume is really starting to hit me hard. It isn't enough for my good friends to tell me that I will make something of myself, but it comes down to me actually doing it.

Hmm...I'm reading this over and I allowed my emotions to flood onto the page again. Ehh, I'm just a voice talking into the wind, who's gonna listen anyway?